Finding Your ‘Self’ in Self-Care
Let us debunk some myths together.
Self-care is constantly being pulled in whichever direction the consumerist wind is blowing.
It might be a gym membership, a book, a course, a house plant, a diffuser. All of these things are good, valid, and will contribute to your wellbeing. But they aren’t ‘the’ answer. You still must do the work. “No one can do push-ups for you” is the classic analogy.
Self-care is a journey of internal work that you will carry with you forever. It’s your personal practice of self-support. Your fallback. It’s a combination of your routines, habits, beliefs and one thing’s for sure — it has to serve you. No one else.
So what are these myths as you navigate your self-care journey?
1. You should self-care alone
Baths, running, drinking your favourite drink — loads of self-care activities are associated with being alone. This leads to the generalisation that activities you do alone will work for everyone. Remember above, your self-care needs to serve you. It’s about improving your self-awareness and moving in that direction.
So, for example, if you’re an introvert like me then you need to interact with others often to be energised.
Think about what activities you like that you do alone. Now think of those which you like which you do with others. Both can be your ‘go-to’s for self-care — not just the ones you do alone. Everything from messaging or phoning a friend, to going for dinner someplace nice to playing sports or games — group activities are self-care too.
2. Only people with loads of free time self-care
I’m going to sound like your favourite guru for a second here: “We all have the same 24 hours in a day”. There is some truth to this but the point is about priorities and self-care should be right up there for everyone.
Taking time for the self-care activities that we value to support us to recharge and grow is what supports the rest of our lives. Get over this myth by seeing self-care as integrated with the rest of your life — and therefore of equal importance as the rest of it.
You show up for your school and for your work. Make sure you show up for yourself.
3. Self-Care is expensive
I often self-care by travelling to my fourth home in the French Alps, on my flight there I have a massage and a sauna on my private plane. That’s my self-care.
This isn’t my life, it might be yours but the point is to exaggerate that self-care CAN be expensive.
The core of this myth, similar to number 2, approaches self-care as this ‘right’ thing that is a destination. Self-care looks different for everyone. Of course, self-care can be expensive but it doesn’t need to be.
Think of things in terms of outcomes if cash is a challenge.
E.g. I know that I need self-care time when I work too much since when I work too much I get stressed out. One self-care thing to reduce my stress is to meditate. It’s free, costs only my time and achieves an outcome of a calmer mind. Another thing that gets that outcome is going swimming. In order to do that I need a membership to my local pool.
Self-care is about choices — choose based on outcomes and budget that work for you — it’s back to self-awareness and priorities again.
4. Self-Care is selfish
Revisit all previous points here but, yes, that’s the entire point. Anyone who says this in a negative way needs to re-evaluate their own relationship to themselves. In this instance, being selfish is a virtue. It’s something to be applauded.
In Summary
Self-care is a reflection of your relationship to yourself.
To go through the above points, ask yourself the following:
How much do you prioritise yourself and your wellbeing?
How much time do you make for the activities that you need and want to do in order to take care of yourself most effectively?
Time and budget are both currencies, are you investing in yourself for now and the future?
Do you judge yourself for taking time to self-care? Can you step into that judgement and become more selfish in order to self-care more effectively?
Here is the article summarised:
· Do things alone, do things with others. Your self-care is unique.
· Pursue self-awareness and test what you like and don’t like to do for self-care.
· Make time to prioritise and fully be present with those things that work for you.
· Invest in yourself.
· Be selfish, that’s the point.
And, of course, good luck at doing you.
We are after all our own longest work in progress.
Take care out there,
Ryan
MindMapper UK and DigIn are bringing you, The Festival You Didn’t Know You Needed on October 8th: https://www.medayfestival.com/
