I know you think you’re behind.
I’m behind where I should be.
I can’t believe ‘so -and-so’ has already bought themselves a car.
How have they been able to invest that much, already?!
I’m behind where I should be in having a child.
I can’t believe ‘so -and-so’ has been promoted again so early in their career!
I can’t believe I haven’t found ‘the one’ yet.
Sound like you?
Sounds like me, alright! I’m pretty sure it sounds like all of us.
We naturally compare ourselves to others. From money, lifestyle, friendships and relationships, the corrosive art of comparing ourselves to those around us is toxic — and yet we cannot stop it.
Wisomquotes.com among other renowned sources credit Warren Buffet with the belter of an observation that is: “It is not greed that drives the world, but envy.”
Whether that was Buffet or Willy Wonka is irrelevant. I like the message.
Because, to me, it is our collective obsession with what we have and not who we are that drives this comparison cycle.
I know you think you’re behind.
Read that again.
Behind what exactly?
If we’re behind then that surely means that there is some destination ahead. But my friends, that destination will never arrive.
It’s like we all refer to this unspoken timeframe of expectations. A timeframe filled with unwritten checkpoints. There is nothing to be behind because life is constantly moving forward and changing for everyone.
We each berate one another over this mysterious destination that doesn’t even exist.
You aren’t behind where you should be.
You’re right where you are. And where you are is where you’re meant to be.
But let’s analyse how this comparison impacts our careers.
We go to school to get the grades to go to university to get the grades to get a good job to get a pay rise and promotion to get the bigger house to start the family to motivate us to work harder to get promoted to earn more to provide of our family to then get promoted again and then retire.
You get the picture.
We aren’t all on the same path.
And if we aren’t all on the same path, then you aren’t behind anything!
But that’s easier said than felt.
So, fellow wanderer of the never-ending career comparison wilderness, what can we do to help ourselves to feel like we aren’t behind?
1. Spend time alone thinking about who you are and what you want from your career/work. Honestly, it’s the best place to start and to detach from what others feel to focus on what you want.
2. Spend more time away from social media. Similar to the first point, you need to manage your environment to unlearn that you aren’t actually behind anything. If you’re still addicted to social, curate your feed to include less of what makes you feel like you’re behind.
3. Write down your goals so you can compete with yourself. Set SMART goals for yourself but share those with others so you validate them and give yourself accountability towards them.
4. If you feel you need to, and depending on if you can afford it, go to therapy. I’m working towards a world where therapy and counselling is as widely available as possible. We all have trauma and we all need to heal. Often trauma is the root of comparison culture.
5. Have constructive conversations about promotion, money and wealth. Anything money related is often a taboo topic, let’s face it. We don’t ask people how much they earn, what they have invested in or even whether they deserve that promotion. These topics play such a big factor in the comparison cycle problem and largely, solutions could be reached if we could learn to communicate better. So, take the lead yourself and have deeper more honest conversations about how these things make you feel and act.
So, the parting thought from me:
Never compare yourself to anyone except the previous you.
Take care out there,
Ryan
